dude your a douche

love it

Everyone gets personally offended by little things based on our experience with certain words. The word "dude" doesn't offend me as much as it apparently does others, whereas I'm slightly put off by the patronizing use of the word "heck" in an article written by someone who's trying to show how professional he is.

But then, I'm the guy who refuses to wear a suit or put my hair down for business meetings, so I'm probably the one this article was meant for. I do need to realize how offensive my reluctance to fit in with the professional world can be to others.

Is it possible the person was trying to soften the blow of giving you difficult feedback by using the less formal,"dude?"

A lot of agencies will say that they strive to create an INFORMAL atmosphere because it fosters creativity. Could it be that the other person is used to work environments that value that, instead? That doesn't mean being disrespectful to clients. Most people switch their tone a 1,000 times a day - a bit less informal for co-workers, slightly more formal for clients or people they don't know as well.

I appreciate it when people are their authentic selves with me. That means they're not taking the time to be perfect, no. They're being honest, and maybe it even means they trust me.

Better to get the conflict out in the open than wait for the "right moment," or the "right tone."

The best thing? Now that he's been blunt with you, you know exactly where you stand.

With all due respect, I just cannot believe you are so offended by that... wow!

Wow! After reading through all the comments, I don't feel that I have much to add - except props to you Keith for saying what some of us have been thinking. :-)

Kristina - Thanks for chiming in! I think you are definitely right that the person who said this was trying to bridge that proverbial age gap; however, I would counter that should we really be trying to bridge any gap when it comes to business communications? Shouldn't we have a respectful tone and demeanor with everyone we encounter in a business conversation, regardless of age? I'm not disagreeing with you at all, I'm just wondering for my own sake.

Allan - Thanks for showing all of us that Esquire quote. I first saw that when you tweeted it, and it definitely caught my eye. To me, once you break that barrier of formality/business conversation vs. information conversation in what is presumably a more formal discussion, it's very difficult to go back. I'd rather keep it to one side of the spectrum, and later on down the line, if we become better acquaintances and not just business associates, then I would be more open to blending the different tones, as you mentioned.

Interesting post Keith. I suppose I never thought of it. Not sure if you saw this Tweet from Esquire Magazine this week but I think it applies:

@EsquireMag: Rule No. 322: If you end a professional call with "Peace," you've negated everything that came before. #rules

I think a key element to the success of someone in business -- new or experienced -- is having perspective. This falls in line with that. Being able to recognize situations and knowing how to use tone, gestures, body language, etc. all help create your persona and sets the tone for you in business.

I understand your frustration at what appears to be a lack of respect, and I am sure I would feel the same way if a colleague called me a dudette (well I might laugh first). It sounds like your colleague was trying to bridge the age gap by using a term familiar with us "youngsters" and just failed.

Keep your professionalism up, and if he does it again you might just calmly say that you would prefer he use your first name instead of "dude" while in the work environment.

- @allenkristina

Great conversation. Keith, thanks for getting the ball rolling.

Had to laugh at--and sympathize with--Rachel's "ma'am" comment. I speak to student groups from time to time and they'll approach me with the "Mr. Hanson" intro. Not sure who that is, but if you find him, please let me know ;)

While this issue is all about respect. It really goes both ways. I've seen plenty of younger folks get far too loose with their language in client settings. As Vince Vaughn quipped in Wedding Singers, when that client walks in the room, you "better lock it up." Clients should absolutely give younger pros the respect they deserve. But, I think the younger generation is under tremendous scrutiny when it comes to business etiquette--for better or worse. One slip up and it's very hard to get that respect back. So, I think the age and generational differences play in that way, too.

Rachel - "You guys" is a phrase I admit to using all too often, which is bad, especially in a business setting, when those "guys" you refer to are often a mixed group of male and female C-level execs from a company. Not exactly a great way to get a productive, meaningful conversation going. You've put that one on my radar now of personal phrases I need to cut out of my business vocubulary.

Stuary - Your comment was just hilarious! And i completely agree with you: internally, I'm all for calling fellow colleagues (though, probably not one of my higher-up bosses) "dude" and such. But once clients or outside associates walk in, it's time to button-up some and get a meaningful and respectful conversation going.

This is an interesting conundrum. Anyone that knows me is well aware of my copious use of the f-bomb. I also know that most of the people in the marketing and agency world use this on a fairly regular basis.

I'd say that it's completely cool internally...but as soon as that client walks in? That shit is gone.

Btw, I call my dad "dude".

Keith,

Great post and a good reminder about business etiquette. I think some of this stems from the fact that the industry as a whole veers to the younger side. I cringe when someone refers to my team as girls, when we are ladies. I also cringe when people say "You guys" which is also too casual. But, every relationship is a little different so the level of formality can change quite a bit from client to reporter to colleague.

I will say this - I'd far rather be called girl than ma'am though, which has happened on occasion. Yuck! ;)

Rachel Kay

Thanks for the feedback. I think the general consensus I am hearing from you and others on the comments, as well as various other feedback I have received to this is that it's all about the time, place and general feeling of "friendship" that two people have in a business setting. If you consider each other friends, and even then, as long as you're not engaged in some kind of negotiation or other business communications that typically require formal communication (e.g. an arbitration hearing), then I would have no problem with someone calling me "dude."

But if you're sitting there, trying to talk down to someone by blatantly disrespecting them and not affording them some modicum of respect, then I have a big problem with that. Good to see I'm not alone on this!

Keith -

Great post, though I knew it would be. I've got very few business associates I would ever consider calling 'dude' unless (as you note) we're in a social setting and something specific actually happened to make it almost appropriate.

Cheers on the rant, dude.
P

David - Thanks for the input. I completely agree with you that with continuing blurred lines surrounding our personal and professional lives, it's not always easy to distinguish between when to be formal and when you can add in a few informal comments to a typical business conversation. And I think that's why it may be more important now, than ever before, that we are a bit more guarded with our business communications, because we are so blurred that it is sometimes difficult to tell if the person on the receiving end is in the same frame of mind as you are.

For example, if you're discussing a business proposal via e-mail, and all of a sudden, you throw in an off-color comment. Now, in real life, that comment might be laughed at by the receiver because he or she could see that there were no hard or negative intentions on your end. But in an e-mail, that is very difficult for someone to deduce. it's a difficult thing to navigate as you point out. Thanks for chiming in!

Keith

Keith,

I completely agree. I hate it when someone comes into the conference room and says, "Hey Boys, how's it going."

I am not a boy. I am a man. But that would also have some sexist connotations.

My name is Joe. I appreciate being referred to in that manner.

This is a tough one. We've seen the line between personal and professional blur more than ever.

I don't know the tone or situation around the interaction that upset you. It's a tough thing to figure out though. Some people are comfortable with a casual business relationship.

Personally, I prefer when business interactions aren't as rigid, allowing for a more comfortable, human conversation.

Of course, that's not to say respect should be bypassed. You have to respect others, especially in business, regardless of how casual your interactions are.

Where a person might slip is when they get too comfortable, with someone who doesn't feel the same level of comfort with that person, and it comes across as disrespectful (it is disrespectful).

I always approach first impressions with a very formal, professional manner. From there, as I get more comfortable with a person, I will start to interact naturally, but only after I've determined how comfortable the other person is willing to interact.

It's about getting to know the other party, and not assuming to know them too quickly.

@DavidSpinks